Birth date: Feb 12, 1932 Death date: Jul 7, 2025
Ralph Vincent O’Connor (93) passed away peacefully in his home in Lakewood, Washington, on July 7th, surrounded by his family and his loving wife, Rosemary. Ralph was a devoted husband, a proud father, and a doting Papa. Ralph wa Read Obituary
I worked for Ralph for ten years. He was my employer as well as a friend
His work ethic was over the top. One day at work I was notified that one of my daughters was in an auto accident. Ralph insisted on going to the emergency room with me. She had some facial injuries that included her lower front teeth being pushed in and down . He stepped right up and brought them to their original position. Luckily she had braces and no lasting damage. He gave his best and expected the same of his staff.
When Rosemary joined him to one of their seminars I had the pleasure of driving the children to and from school in the “checkered cab”. Good memories of Ralph and will always cherish his friendship. Laura Ellis
Ralph gave great comfort to my mother as she prepared for colon resection surgery. He was generous with his time and very effective in communicating with her to ease her fears
When I think of Dr. O'Connor, I think of his smile and the twinkle in his eye. As a little kid, I remember he felt like a bigger than life presence. When he walked into a room he was engaging and often a bit sassy and ready and eager to tease.
Dr. O'Connor taught me to waterski. I'll never forget how patient he was. Every time I fell he'd encourage me to try again until finally I got it. I had a lot of nasty faceplants, especially when starting from the dock. I just remember him driving the boat, turning around and having a huge smile on his face.
Riding home to the O'Connor home with Carrie and the rest of the kids was a treat. I felt so cool in that checker cab! I think every kid at Cabrini wished they could be an O'Connor.
Parkinson's may have taken him but he won the battle. He has seen the face of our Lord. Rest in peace, Dr. O'Connor.
Mary Giusti Maberry
Everyone knows that Ralph is the Father of Nine Children. But he did not stop there!
Ralph is also Father of Nine national and even global dental influences that have impacted thousands of dentists worldwide and millions of dental moments. He is clearly the Father of Nine dental creations that some of you may not have known about, and we celebrate today:
Father Laydown. Before Ralph, most dentists stood up as if in a barber shop. Ralph realized that direct vision to his dentistry was superior to using the dental mirror for indirect vision. When I was in dental school and we entered the clinic, procedures were done with the patient sitting up and the student essentially standing on their head. Ralph’s dear friend and teaching partner, Dick Klein, spent several Saturday mornings with the Junior and Senior dental students and one of their ideas was Dr. sit-down/Patient laydown dentistry. My dad was a carpenter, and he made back inserts so the students could sit down, lay the patient back and see what they were doing. Students were also beneficiaries of the prestigious “Klein and O’Connor” national lecture series that taught a truly transformational approach to dentistry that was two decades ahead of its time. As I recall, Ralph used all his seminar honorariums to fund his children’s college education. This idea was in the 1980”s! Ralph was the original out of the box thinker.
Father Four Handed. Before Ralph, most dentists “worked” by themselves with the assistant supplying instruments, etc. The dentist and the patient were all alone. Ralph was a production genius. He realized he could be more effective and treat patients better if the assistant was a true teammate…an extension of his hands. I remember he would even teach them how to pass an instrument to him without him looking up. He would say “smack it” into my hand so I know its there. No dental assistants ever learn this example of Ralph’s special attention to detail. I have never heard anyone else ever teach this simple clinical distinction that makes a big four handed smooth. Ralph’s four handed dentistry became six handed dentistry which is the standard of today. The second set of hands allow the dental assistant to be a chairside during the whole dental procedure increasing efficiency and enjoyment which was a major theme that Ralph taught us.
Father The Interview. Most dentists meet the patient after X-rays, do a dental examination, and then present a treatment plan to the patient. Not Ralph. NO Xrays yet! Ralph taught dentists “The Interview” where he sits with the new patient and literally listens for maybe a half hour writing down on a legal pad all his notes while the patient talks about their dental experiences, wants, needs, etc. Most dentists even today think this is a waste of time but is one of the most powerful skills Dental Father Ralph ever taught us. By addressing all the patient wants and/or concerns up front, when the treatment was eventually planned and scheduled, Ralph could go right to “work,” No conversations at treatment time like, “Do you think this is the right thing to do or do you think we should start treatment on the other side of my mouth. That conversation was long gone. It was time to DO the planned dentistry.
Father Magic Wand. Another one of Ralph’s biggest contributions is to literally invite the patient to make a wish. This was toward the end of the Interview period. He would invite the patient to answer the question, “If you could change anything about your smile or change anything about your teeth, what would it be? If there were no cost to you and the treatment were completed right now as easy as snapping your fingers what would be different? And he would snap his fingers right in front of the patient and then zip his lips shut, listen to the patient and write down all they would wish for. After each patient wish, he would ask, “And what else” until the Wish List was complete. That was the starting point for Ralph. He started with the answer. Even today, most dentists think sitting, listening, and truly being with the patient’s “felt needs and wants,” as Ralph would say, is a waste of time. They believe they can’t afford to meet and listen to a patient the Ralph Way. They want the x-rays and maybe tooth models to start talking teeth vs. starting with the patient as a whole person with teeth. Personally, what I have experienced is patient treatment acceptance rate increased substantially knowing the patient desires and developing a game plan from the big key: information.
Father Idiot Role. Ralph was a master delegating anything aspect of his care to competent staff members. He also learned to delegate everything he did not want to do or felt could be done better ie. a hygienist for anesthetic and restorative and different specialist for specialty care. His treatment days were designed so that he could go from one procedure that he was good at and enjoyed such as crown preparations or actually “capping” the teeth as Ralph called it. Or In the video he left an operatory and “like an idiot” he did not know what to do but was directed such as, “ok Dr. O’Connor now we go to operatory #3 and prepare a quadrant of composites for Mary Jones.” Once he was in operatory #3, he knew exactly what to do and there were no questions by the patient. “They were answered in an Interview after their collaborative treatment plan.
Father Management Day. Ralph knew five days of intense dentistry would result in burnout. Most dentists today treat patients four days a week. The fifth day is for play. Good balance but when does the management get done and in dentistry, there IS a bunch to keep the wheels rolling. So, most dentists manage in between patients or maybe rush to finish early on a treatment day to tend to all the management mechanics of a successful dental practice. Ralph’s wisdom told him to fully focus on one thing at a time. Day five was for management and the weekend and evenings for his family and himself. Smart man.
Father Interdisciplinary Dentistry. Remember Ralph wanted the best for his patients. Sometimes he would go to prepare a bunch of teeth for restorative, and he noticed that the gums were bleeding, or the teeth were more crocked than he was thinking, or pus was coming from gum tissue. He profoundly acknowledged a gap and a need in his patient treatment. Afterall, he just wanted to fix teeth and enjoy doing it. He discovered he needed help from dental specialists and in the early 1980’s he brought together his third dental study group really out of his need to be his best and feel good about his day’s performance. Ultimately, this group became know as the Northwest Network for Dental Excellence (NNDE). This group has positively influenced more dentists worldwide than any group in history. Ralph and several other NNDE became the president of the prestigious American Academy of Esthetic Dentistry (AAED). Before Ralph and other NNDE members, the AAED was Multidisciplinary; that is when specialists such as periodontists, orthodontists, oral surgeons, or endodontists were needed by the patient, each specialty would do their thing and then pass the patient onto the next specialist. There was not coordination, sequencing, and there was no director. Ralph taught an Interdisciplinary where everyone is accountable to the quarter back, the general dentist. This distinction was Raph’s watershed moment in my opinion. He discovered that when patients were referred to two or more patients that they felt “Torn apart.” Ralph’s words. He taught the AAED and American dentists how be successful and have successful patients.
Father NNDE Members. Ralph nurtured the NNDE members, and we nurtured him. I will tell you, that the NNDE members have permanently changed the world of dentistry. Several members have become the #1 global influencers, and they have in turn influenced the next generation of global dental leaders. It all started with Ralph and his willingness to say what he wanted out of dentistry. He has done the same with his life. Adapt and change what you can. Have an attitude without limitations and one focused on sucking in every lesson and every experience that being alive means.
Father Father. I remember listening to Ralph speaking about his and Rosemary’s children from time to time. I remember sometimes fantasizing how fun it would have been to be one of their kids. Ralph, you take the cake. My life is forever changed having had the privilege to be in your presence. Everyone of us value your values and your zest for life. We celebrate your mentorship both personally, professionally, and spiritually. God’s work is done…you did it all.
You are a Father for us All.
