Dolores Mae Hayes' Obituary
Dolores was born in a house in North Tacoma to Eleanor Brock Wilson and Thomas Wilson. The stock market crashed when she was one year old and she spent the remainder of her childhood surviving the Great Depression. When Dolores was five years old her father deserted the family and her mother attempted suicide, so she was sent to Spokane to live with her father’s family. Mom always remembered those days in Spokane fondly, and she felt loved and safe there. After she returned to Tacoma the small family of Dolores, her sister Patricia, and her mother moved many times, and whenever we drove around Tacoma Mom would say, “I lived there,” and point out another little house. Eventually Eleanor married Bill Lane, and he was forevermore “Daddy” to Dolores. She took his last name and was henceforth known as Dolores Lane. Mom had a very hard childhood, but Bill Lane gave her a sense of protection that she had not previously known. He also inspired her lifelong love of gardening.
Dolores attended McCarver Junior High School in Tacoma and Visitation Villa School for Girls in Lakewood for her high school education. She had fond memories of her days with the nuns and her best friend Joan. She stayed connected to her old school friends throughout her life. She worked at a bakery to earn the money to pay for her education herself and she often told stories of her time there.
Dolores met Thomas Hayes as a young teenager. She was a beautiful girl and Tom was smitten. She waited for Dad to return from the Pacific war theatre and they married on June 19th, 1948 in Tacoma. They soon moved to the Palisades neighborhood near Dash Point where they bought a home and a beach property and fulfilled their Catholic duty by having eight children. Although Mom suffered very difficult pregnancies and gave birth to two children with profound disabilities she kept on striving to make a beautiful home and take care of us all.
And what a home it was! Full of children and friends and wonderful parties. Dogs, cats, bunnies, frogs and whatever other animals we kids brought home. There were always arguments, laughter, fights, big family dinners and lots of play. There were not enough bathrooms but plenty of food. There were not many luxuries but Christmas was always spectacular, with decorations and a huge tree and tons of presents and more parties. And somehow Mom was always able to look “put together”. She never went out without her lipstick.
In 1972 Tom’s work took the family to Bellingham, where they lived until 1975. Mom made good friends during her time there and stayed in touch with them for many years. Mom was great at correspondence, always sending cards and letters, and always happy when she received them as well. She had boxes of letters and cards spanning over 50 years from her particular friend Beth.
In 1975 they moved to Des Moines, south of Seattle. That house was full of teenagers, and things were often chaotic. Mom sought peace by taking classes at Highline College, writing her memoirs, and co-founding the Friends of Rainier School. And she continued digging in the garden and planting as many flowers as she could fit into any plot of land.
Mom was always working to improve the lives of people with disabilities, the downtrodden, the poor and the lonely. She lobbied extensively to preserve Rainier School, Yakima Valley School and other state institutions for the developmentally disabled. She predicted what would happen to those residents once the schools closed and her concerns have come to fruition as demonstrated by the homeless population on our streets today. She gave freely to many charities and was willing to volunteer for many causes as long as she was able.
Late in life Dolores and Tom moved back to Tacoma. Mom created a spectacular garden at her little house. Every room was decorated with beautiful antiques. She continued to adopt the less fortunate, host parties, and have Christmas for her now grown children. She enjoyed swimming at the YMCA and made many new friends there.
After 63 years of marriage Tom died in January of 2012. Mom moved to Narrows Glen Retirement Community and later to Tacoma Lutheran Retirement Community. She continued to plant pots of flowers and took up feeding hummingbirds. She had a tuxedo cat that she loved. She enjoyed reading, movies, shopping, going out to lunch and visits from her family. At 90 years old she had a wonderful time on a cruise to Alaska, which turned out to be the last great adventure of her life.
Dolores was preceded in death by her husband Tom, her son Richard and her daughter Mary Louise. She is survived by her children Joan Brooks of Port Orchard, John Hayes of Buckley, Chris Hayes of Tacoma, Elizabeth Johnson of Tacoma, Julie Hayes of Lewiston, ID and Gwendolyn Hayes of Tacoma.
Her granddaughters were her greatest joy in life. They are Greta Johnson of Tacoma, Mollie Brooks of Copenhagen, Denmark, Catherine Henry of Tacoma, and Magnolia Miller of Arlington, WA. Her three great grandsons were especially dear to her. They are Jack and Dylan Hays and Patrick Henry. Sadly, she was unable to spend any time with her great grandsons at the end of her life due to COVID-19 restrictions. She held baby Patrick only once since his birth in February, 2020.
The family wishes to thank Jorge Alarcon and the staff of Grandview AFH, who gave Mom loving care and respect during her final months of life. We are beyond grateful for how they eased Mom out of this existence and on to whatever comes next.
Dolores had a rocky start in life but was able to forgive and that allowed her to live a life of purpose and beauty. She loved her family, friends, gardens, pets, books, fine clothes and good bread & butter. In her final years she liked to just sit in the sun and watch birds and nature growing around her. She died on November 9th, 2020, with tan legs and her lipstick on.
Due to COVID restrictions we will have a private burial at Tahoma National Cemetery. We hope to have a celebration in Mom’s honor in June of next year. In lieu of flowers gifts can be made to Autism Speaks, Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, and World Wildlife Fund.
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